Sorry I've been away for so long (since May). A boatload of things have occurred. For starters, President Jonathan has been voted a out with former General Muhammad Buhari being sworn in as the newly elected President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Congratulations to you sir. Also, I was in Lagos, Nigeria for a month working on my new EP that is set to debut in September. Special thanks to my Chocolate City Music family, especially my producers of life L37 & Reinhard. You guys are amazing.
Now, back to blogging. As I said before, my blog posts will not be daily posts. But I hope to sprinkle some inspiration whenever I do get online.
Today, I thought I should offer my own perspective on long distance relationships. I will also share a few stories about people who have engaged in long distance "situationships", often mistaking their rendezvous as a long distance relationship.
I personally admire people who have the courage to commit themselves to a long disturbance relationship. Believe me, it is not an easy thing to deal with the most strenuous factors like living in different time-zones (hence the 1 AM and 4 AM conversations), not being able to see your significant other every day, and developing and maintain your level of trust with your partner. I, for one, have been in two long distance relationships in the past and it was an experience I wish I had prepared myself for.
My first LDR (long distance relationship) was with a guy I started to date when I came to Nigeria for vacation. It was holiday season, so as per the regular tradition in Lagos, there were many events and Christmas soirees to attend. We met through mutual friends a few months back in the states, one thing led to another and before I knew it, he made history by being the first guy I ever brought home to meet my family. My over-protective uncle liked him; he felt like he was a responsible guy. My aunts loved the fact that he was respectful, quiet and fluent in Igbo (my native language). My mum loved that he was from a neighboring town not too far from our own. So as far as my family was concerned, the querying about who I was dating was finally over and he was welcomed with open arms.
After New Years Day, I returned to the states with hopes that he and I were committed to make our relationship work at all costs. We planned our "bae-cations" before I left Nigeria: I would fly over on Valentine's Day and spring-break, he'd fly over around my birthday, etc. But as God would have it, I soon discovered the bitter truth: I was not the only girl being sold golden dreams and fairy tales. I was hurt and bitter, secluding myself for my friends to whom I've spoken so highly of him. But I don't blame him. I don't blame myself either. The fact remains that although we verbally agreed to do everything possible to make our relationship work, we were just not ready. He was super busy, running around town to find management deals, shuffling between meetings and facing gruesome traffic. He was young, very handsome and in his prime. And I, having faced disappointment in the past, suffered with trust issues. I questioned his inconsistency with our relationship, hence the long "where are you" and "fuck you" text messages and unanswered Skype calls. But as they say, time heals all wounds. And although it has been three years since we dated, we remained amicable towards each other, apologizing for our failures. I underlined the word amicable to stress the fact that there is nothing extraneous going on. LOL.
My second LDR was with a guy I was dating during my junior/senior year in college. I hate to admit this but he was somewhat of a rebound to my previous relationship. I decided to value proximity this time around, being that we were only three hours away from each other. I met him through one of my friends when my friends and I took a mini road trip to spend the weekend with her at her school. She decided to have a kickback at her apartment that Friday evening and invited him and his friends over. The constant eye contact between us throughout that evening was insane. We exchanged contacts through my friend (I was too shy to be upfront with him in person, lol), we started dating and Lord was I loving the undivided attention that he gave me!
Now, o'boy decided to come up with this silly rule: whenever we see each other, either one of us could ask to switch phones and be free to "use" (his code name for "scan through" each other's phone. I though it was a such a dumb idea, but being the ever-striving and submissive girlfriend, I went along with his plan.
Little did he know that he can't beat a person with trust issues at his or her own game. LMAO!
One weekend he came down to DC, and within 15 minutes, I asked for his phone.
"What do you need my phone for?"
"Remember our rule, the rule you implemented?"
He had no choice but to surrender his phone. And this is where I made my mistake.
I went through his photos and messages and got the shock of my life.
O'boy was still messing with his ex, and she claimed to be pregnant for him.
That's how God saved me and opened his nyash sha. LOL.
Now, don't get these two personal experiences of mine confused. The first experience was indeed a relationship. The issue was that there were streaks of infidelity and inconsistency on his part. But the second experience was clearly a "situationship". Both of us were looking for someone in order to help us forget about our underlying issues: for me, I was still hurt over what the emotional stress my ex subjected me to and needed attention, and he....well he was just being a Thottie McMuffin (LOL).
My advice to you:
1. If you have trust issues, work on them first before you commit to a long distance relationship. Trust issues is the leading malefactor in all failed LDRs.
2. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT go through your partner's phone. Not only will it affect your level of trust, but it will also affect the level of trust your significant partner has for you. My sisters, men do not blend well with stress. My brothers, women do not like possessive partners. If you know you are constantly worrying and starving yourself because your bae hides their phone all the time, unless they're some secret agent for the CIA or the FBI, why are you in that relationship in the first place? Why are you forming
3. CONSISTENCY IS KEY! Unless the both of you are busy people with time-consuming careers and understand the nature of each other's daily activities, if you cannot make time for your significant, please tell me why you are in a relationship in the first place?
4. SAVE UP! Don't think that all will be well with just Skype calls and "sext" messages. Physical interaction is a key element to enhancing a LDR. Ladies, not every time "baby, buy my ticket." Men love an independent woman who can survive financially without him or his money. If you can prove to him that you got this, only a good man will appreciate and respect you.
In all respects, love hard and pray harder. If you and bae are committed to defeat all odds, buckle down and enjoy the ride. You got this!
Till then, I'm sending some Krissy love your way!
XO,
Krissy
