Long Distance Relationships & Long Distance Situationships

Hey guys!

Sorry I've been away for so long (since May). A boatload of things have occurred. For starters, President Jonathan has been voted a out with former General Muhammad Buhari being sworn in as the newly elected President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Congratulations to you sir. Also,  I was in Lagos, Nigeria for a month working on my new EP that is set to debut in September. Special thanks to my Chocolate City Music family, especially my producers of life L37 & Reinhard. You guys are amazing.


Now, back to blogging. As I said before, my blog posts will not be daily posts. But I hope to sprinkle some inspiration whenever I do get online.

Today,  I thought I should offer my own perspective on long distance relationships. I will also share a few stories about people who have engaged in long distance "situationships", often mistaking their rendezvous as a long distance relationship.

I personally admire people who have the courage to commit themselves to a long disturbance relationship.  Believe me, it is not an easy thing to deal with the most strenuous factors like living in different time-zones (hence the 1 AM and 4 AM conversations), not being able to see your significant other every day, and developing and maintain your level of trust with your partner. I, for one, have been in two long distance relationships in the past and it was an experience I wish I had prepared myself for.

My first LDR (long distance relationship) was with a guy I started to date when I came to Nigeria for vacation. It was holiday season, so as per the regular tradition in Lagos, there were many events and Christmas soirees to attend. We met through mutual friends a few months back in the states, one thing led to another and before I knew it, he made history by being the first guy I ever brought home to meet my family. My over-protective uncle liked him; he felt like he was a responsible guy. My aunts loved the fact that he was respectful, quiet and fluent in Igbo (my native language). My mum loved that he was from a neighboring town not too far from our own. So as far as my family was concerned, the querying about who I was dating was finally over and he was welcomed with open arms.
         After New Years Day, I returned to the states with hopes that he and I were committed to make our relationship work at all costs. We planned our "bae-cations" before I left Nigeria: I would fly over on Valentine's Day and spring-break, he'd fly over around my birthday, etc. But as God would have it, I soon discovered the bitter truth: I was not the only girl being sold golden dreams and fairy tales. I was hurt and bitter, secluding myself for my friends to whom I've spoken so highly of him. But I don't blame him. I don't blame myself either. The fact remains that although we verbally agreed to do everything possible to make our relationship work, we were just not ready. He was super busy, running around town to find management deals, shuffling between meetings and facing gruesome traffic. He was young, very handsome and in his prime. And I, having faced disappointment in the past, suffered with trust issues. I questioned his inconsistency with our relationship, hence the long "where are you" and "fuck you" text messages and unanswered Skype calls. But as they say, time heals all wounds. And although it has been three years since we dated, we remained amicable towards each other, apologizing for our failures. I underlined the word amicable to stress the fact that there is nothing extraneous going on. LOL.

My second LDR was with a guy I was dating during my junior/senior year in college. I hate to admit this but he was somewhat of a rebound to my previous relationship. I decided to value proximity this time around, being that we were only three hours away from each other.  I met him through one of my friends when my friends and I took a mini road trip to spend the weekend with her at her school.  She decided to have a kickback at her apartment that Friday evening and invited him and his friends over.  The constant eye contact between us throughout that evening was insane. We exchanged contacts through my friend (I was too shy to be upfront with him in person, lol), we started dating and Lord was I loving the undivided attention that he gave me!
     Now, o'boy decided to come up with this silly rule: whenever we see each other, either one of us could ask to switch phones and be free to "use" (his code name for "scan through" each other's phone. I though it was a such a dumb idea, but being the ever-striving and submissive girlfriend, I went along with his plan.
Little did he know that he can't beat a person with trust issues at his or her own game. LMAO!
One weekend he came down to DC, and within 15 minutes, I asked for his phone.
"What do you need my phone for?"
"Remember our rule, the rule you implemented?"
He had no choice but to surrender his phone. And this is where I made my mistake.
I went through his photos and messages and got the shock of my life.
O'boy was still messing with his ex, and she claimed to be pregnant for him.

That's how God saved me and opened his nyash sha. LOL.

Now, don't get these two personal experiences of mine confused. The first experience was indeed a relationship.  The issue was that there were streaks of infidelity and inconsistency on his part. But the second experience was clearly a "situationship". Both of us were looking for someone in order to help us forget about our underlying issues: for me, I was still hurt over what the emotional stress my ex subjected me to and needed attention, and he....well he was just being a Thottie McMuffin (LOL).

My advice to you:

1. If you have trust issues, work on them first before you commit to a long distance relationship. Trust issues is the leading malefactor in all failed LDRs.

2. DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT go through your partner's phone. Not only will it affect your level of trust, but it will also affect the level of trust your significant partner has for you. My sisters, men do not blend well with stress. My brothers, women do not like possessive partners. If you know you are constantly worrying and starving yourself because your bae hides their phone all the time, unless they're some secret agent for the CIA or the FBI, why are you in that relationship in the first place? Why are you forming Inspector Gadget anyway?

3. CONSISTENCY IS KEY! Unless the both of you are busy people with time-consuming careers and understand the nature of each other's daily activities, if you cannot make time for your significant, please tell me why you are in a relationship in the first place?

4. SAVE UP! Don't think that all will be well with just Skype calls and "sext" messages.  Physical interaction is a key element to enhancing a LDR. Ladies, not every time "baby, buy my ticket." Men love an independent woman who can survive financially without him or his money. If you can prove to him that you got this, only a good man will appreciate and respect you.

In all respects, love hard and pray harder. If you and bae are committed to defeat all odds, buckle down and enjoy the ride. You got this!

Till then, I'm sending some Krissy love your way!

XO,
     Krissy

Child Brides & The Societies That Still Condone It

Do you remember Wasila Tasi'u, the Nigerian child bride who poisoned and killed her 35-year-old husband, Umar Sani, and four others?

Do you remember Santadevi Meghwal, the Indian child bride who refused to live with betrothed husband after she became aware at the age of 16 that she had been "given away" at 11 months of age to a then nine year old as a wife?

Do you remember the Chibok schoolgirls from northern Nigeria, who were kidnapped from a place that could have given them the opportunity to have bright futures?

It's quite disturbing that in 2015, the female, (especially the "colored" female) is still regarded worldwide as an object of sexual reference and inferiority. It disgusts me when I watch CNN or read a global newspaper and the face on a young girl, usually before the age of 16, is married off to a man three or possibly four times her age. The worst part about it is that the man in question see no reason to believe that he is in violation of the fact that his child-bride is physically and emotionally too weak to go through the complications of childbirth. According to www.girlsnotbrides.org, this is the reason why childbirth complications, sexual abuse and the violation of human rights are the leading causes of death in girls aged 15 to 19 in poverty-stricken countries around the world. Now don't get me wrong, your culture is what molds you into the person that you are. But Mr. Man, if your mother was given away at such a young age to your father, and you have seen how your mother was treated by your father and his family, what makes you think that it is your right as a man to deflower and strip the pride and dignity of a female child? How would you feel if someone deflowered your daughter? Why can't you look for a mature girl in her 20's, whose hormones can handle the fondling hands given from the opposite sex?


Those who still support the union of a man and his child bride fail to realize that such a union encourages the thorns of poverty to grow and flourish. In most societies, child-brides are forced to abandon their education to play the role of the "domestic engineer": stay at home, cook, clean, open her legs at her husband's leisure, have his children and be submissive. Such duties will render the child bride unsuccessful in helping her family out of poverty. Other misfortunes such as genital mutilation and rape are the leading causes of world epidemics like HIV/AIDS.


So to the young girls who aspire to become a doctor, lawyer, TV anchor, fashion designer or teacher: The pressure of the world may be heavy on your shoulders but always remember that at the end of the day, Knowledge Is Power. Remain focused, get good grades, join a big sister/little sister group, encourage one another and NEVER EVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS. The world is your canvass, make use of it!


Young Lady, Thou Shall Conquer.




Krissy.

The Family Affair

A year ago, I ran into a high school friend who I've lost touch with since graduation. We ran into each other at a birthday party. As usual, we were excited to see each other. A lot has changed over the missing years, friendships, relationships, the whole nine yards. My friend and I were busy catching up on old times, my best friend asked her about the boyfriend she had back in high school. "Y'all still together?" She looked down and shook her head. She found out while they were together, she found out that he got another girl pregnant.


Now, if you think THAT was bad news, wait until you hear this:


She went on to continue her story. At a family cookout and in the midst of the fun festivities, her cousin, her blood cousin, confessed to her that she (the cousin) and her boyfriend had an ongoing affair. In fact, they have had sex over four times in her own house.......Now at that moment, I had to rub my ears and ask her to repeat what she just said. Least to say, I was shocked that her cousin would do something as crazy as sleeping her cousin's boyfriend right under her nose. But then, I realized that this is a new age in time where women are more than capable of doing the most despicable things, more despicable than their male counterparts. Funny enough,my friend said that although she was heartbroken, she eventually forgave her cousin after some time, and the two women have since tried to rebuild their relationship (or the sake of kinship.)


On a typical day when I "think" Jesus isn't watching me in 3D, THIS is what I would've done. LOL.

















I'm sure that there are people out there who have experienced the same dilemma. Please, feel free to share your stories and how you dealt with the situation (you can write anonymously by the way.)



Oya, let's gist!